Past daily thoughts

7.25.2008

Each day starts off the same way. At 7am I walk through the back door and face the dark, empty hallway that seems to go on forever. As if I am walking towards my impending doom. Yet, each morning the brown, stain-filled carpet seems to get more and more brown and I am left to wonder who the hell cleans this carpet. But I am convinced that the building grounds have never felt the hard touch of a vacuum cleaner on it’s surfaces. As I reach my desk my heart stops for a split second in great anticipation of what I may find on my chair that day. Will there be a great pile of documents that has the letters R-U-S-H written on top of it? For the occurrence of such a thing would mean doing some actual work, instead of the lolly-gagging and such that normally fill our entire day. I am now convinced that the productivity level in this department has decreased after its oh-so-long-awaited renovation. Now we are each secluded in our ice box that is called “a cubicle” with no piercing eyes on each side. We are free to sit and stare blankly at the computer screen with no fear of someone next to you noticing. Exhibit A would be what I am doing now. On the surface, as seen by unsuspecting co-workers passing by, it may seem that I am composing an important letter or email. However, you all know what’s really going on in this cubicle. The mornings pass by relatively quickly and is usually filled with random google searches as I jam out to the tunes being played by my ipod. Yet I still manage to get some work done before it’s time for lunch. How do I do this, you ask? Honestly, I haven’t got a clue! The music fills my head and I work on autopilot. For the year I’ve been here, the mundane and tedious tasks laid out before me has now become nothing but routine. Every now and then you will see something new; something you haven’t seen before and you are forced to get up from your ass-indented chair and find out what exactly is going on. But for the most part, it is all nothing but routine. To the point that I have started a correspondence with someone in french just to make things more interesting and allow my mind to work a bit harder today. I find this particular fact quite amusing. To realize that this particular job has become so monotonous that we must find other ways to amuse ourselves; and still able to do the task at hand while conspiring to find other ways to stay amused. Have I become just some worker monkey? Thrown into this corporate world for the main reason that my bachelor’s degree holds no merit in today’s job market, I find myself often wondering how I got to this place. Everyone would tell us, “You need more experience to work here.” But how the hell do I get experience if no one would hire me?! So we take the first job that’s served on our small table, this one. So we sit here day after day. Each day that pass by we try to find more ways to get out; whether it be school or another job, it’s each person’s prerogative. So we sit. Half the time bored out of our minds. No wonder they let us listen to music while working here; because without it, we’d all go insane.

7.28.2008

Yet another day in the land of the menial task force we all call "job", filled with endless amount of papers stacked in not-so-neat piles and boxes. Their overwhelming numbers growing exponentially each day and we all struggle to keep the count in check. However, lackluster-ness of this job will remain…for there is nothing we can do about that very fact because that is exactly what it is…FACT. It is the nature of this job so meticulously entangled into its inner-workings and nearly impossible to take apart. We strive to accomplish something better in this lifetime and we see this place as just another stop in the journey that is our life. With the hope that each stop will bring knowledge and more experience we manage to move forward. Well, we have to move forward, don’t we? Retrograding is not an option, at least for us normal folks. But there are those few that live outside the boundaries of the norm and they may come in and out of reality as they please. For the majority of the population, we fill our lives with routines on a day to day basis. Each day may not be the same as before but, nonetheless, everything has become quite familiar and anything out of the ordinary brings fear. But exactly what is it that frightens us about this? It is not exactly that something is different. It is the not knowing what we should do and how we should act that brings fear when something original is brought about. Now I’ve gone off on a tangent. Back to this place called “work.” I look around me and see the three and a half walls surrounding my desk space and I find myself wondering if I can cut a hole on one of these panels….kind of like a window to my neighbor. Perhaps install a door as to completely seclude myself from everyone else. Back to my eclectic music mix, which I am finding to be a good avenue to self-reflection and an effective yet subtle form of therapy these days.

7.29.2008

The thunderous beat of the base and snare echoes in my head as I feel the blood pulsate at the temple of my aching head. How do I make this headache go away? Two 1000mg tablets of Tylenol offer no comfort. Perhaps the constant staring of the computer screen this morning has done its work on my eyes. The subtle flickering of the monitor in front of me worsens my headache. I turn behind me only to find yet another filled box filled with “current mail” and I feel my stomach turn. The words they have mentioned in those past meetings (the ones that have actually occurred instead of being canceled) vibrates in my ears; “There’s always work to be done.” This statement, perhaps, is the only statement said that holds any truth. Because there IS always work to be done. The endless amount of work is sure enough to crush the spirits of anyone taking this job so seriously. And I know there a re a few people of the sort lingering in this department. Those that will allow the so-called deadlines and rushes to get the better of them as they sit there in utter panic contemplating ways to make the hours longer so they may be able to get their work done in one day. But to panic over the tedious tasks here will prove to be useless. For to rush through the job will only mean an increase in mistakes; mistakes that you will eventually have to go back and fix and thus adding more minutes spent on that same task. But perhaps those are the few that have scribbled “getting ahead in this department” on their life agenda. There is no shame in wanting to succeed in any job you do and I do not mock those that strive to be the best in this department. For I know that we all have our reasons and no one has any authority to question those reasons. But for the rest of us…the one’s that manage to “get by” (you know who you are). We sit in our cubicles with not the slightest hint of an idea as to how we have managed to fill these hours with constructive work and not-so-much-work all at the same time. It seems like each week brings about new faces to this place. Their bright faces walk through those doors with such delight and hope that we all wonder if we had that same look at the start our days here. Slowly but surely (okay, maybe not so slowly) they will come face to face with the realities of this place. Perhaps some may choose to stay and maybe some will sprint towards the exit, as we have all witnessed before. I am still here. But do not think for once that I have not had the image of me screaming madly “I quit” as I dash to the exit doors. This image makes its appearance in head several times a week. Today, however, is not one of those days. Have I become complacent with this gig I have landed? No…definitely not!