Change

“Wow this thing feels hot,” I think to myself.

I re-adjust my position on the sofa so that the laptop doesn’t burn my thighs. I’ve been staring at this computer for hours.

“When did school decide to take over my life….again?”

Then I remembered that I chose to be here. I had left school five years ago and decided to come back because, as it turns out, nothing is what was supposed to happen.
The four years I spent at Rutgers were some of the best years of my life. If asked what my major was I had proudly responded that I was a Biology major with a concentration in pre-medicine. I was on track to become a great doctor and heal people. Don’t get me wrong. I was not as naïve to think that I was going to change the world. I was not, nor am I now, a type with my head in the clouds thinking that my actions can dramatically impact the lives of so many others. I just wanted to become a doctor; a cardiac surgeon to be exact.

So why am I not on my way to becoming a surgeon now? That is the question I sometimes catch myself asking in the few silent moments when I let my thoughts wander. There is a simple answer to this question. It is the same answer I had once given an Army recruiter that spent twenty minutes trying to convince me to enlist instead of working in the WalMart McDonald’s I have been working at while I was a Junior in High School. It was a short and simple reply that summed up everything I wanted to tell him: “I don’t want to.” I think he was a bit taken aback by my answer but he seemed impressed. I gave no explanations or reasons; just a simple four-word reply. The simple explanation for my decision to not to continue to medical school is the same. I don’t want to. Call it a change of heart, if you will. But it is that simple. The desire is just not there anymore. I see my friends who have continued onto medical school and I know that they want it; a reminder that I did not feel the same. So instead I joined the work force and began my life as a drone within the corporate world. Before I knew it, over a year had gone by. I was 23 years old and I had no idea what I was doing. The only thing I did know was that I wanted to do something.

As children we see the world for all of its possibilities. We know no boundaries and think that anything is possible: reindeers can fly, our toys come to life at night, and if I don’t shut the closer door a monster will come get me. As children we are told that we can become anything we want to be. So I think back at the time when I wanted to become a cartoonist and all of the other times in my life when I spent hours sitting in one position drawing or painting. In those few hours nothing else mattered but the pencil in my hand and the sheet of paper in front of me. There are no decisions I have to make or questions to think over. In those hours, time stood still for me while everything around me kept moving in its normal pace. Then I realized I wanted to become an artist. Many people throughout my life have suggested this career path for me but I guess my tunnel vision got in the way. It wasn’t until I stopped running to notice that I wasn’t in a tunnel at all. Looking around I felt like a kid again; like I was transported back in time when anything was possible. But I was still an adult. I had responsibilities to think about. Suddenly quitting my job to become a wandering artist was not an option. After some thought, I enrolled as in an online school to become a graphic designer.

I tell you this to paint a picture, sort to speak. To show you that sometimes life takes an unexpected turn and you end up somewhere you never thought you would be. Of course this change in career path was a conscious decision but it was not a decision I would have made eight years ago. It was the start of a transformation.