I write to sort through the mess

I do not consider myself to be a writer by any means. I just always found that to me, writing is a form of therapy; a way to visualize my thoughts, if you know what I mean. Staring into an empty page I feel an urgency to fill it with letters, arranged carefully to create each word. Most of the time, I write just for the hell of it; a task to fill the minutes of a slow-moving day. But there are times when I need to sort out the things in my head. As the letters arrange into well-versed words, the chaos inside my brain begin to slightly arrange themselves into recognizable thought patterns. My laissez-faire attitude has caused a jumble of uncertainties that I need to occasionally untangle and re-arrange to prevent my head from self-destructing. As I write, the stream of words flows out in a steady pace. As if a drill sergeant walks in and the letters are trained to line up at roll call.

I get a glimmer of insight into my own self when writing. A sense of freedom comes over me and in that instance a voice from within my mind speaks. In this silent conversation I feel like I’m speaking to an old friend. She knows who I am. She knows what jokes will make me laugh, what memories have the power to bring a flood of tears, and what events have stunned me into silence. She knows my secrets and most importantly, she knows my fears. It is that knowledge she carries that force us all to turn away. We all know what it feels to want to silence those voices in our head for just one minute and find peace. But what about choosing one particular voice to listen to? Ask her questions and unravel the meaning behind why she’s been screaming. In this fast-paced world we’ve created where we are constantly juggling multiple tasks, we sometimes forget to think. I mean really think. To listen to those voices for once instead of trying to silence them. Just to be clear, I’m not crazy. I don’t actually speak to any voice in my head and they are not telling me to hurt anyone or set things on fire. I know these are some questions they ask to measure your level of sanity but aren’t we all a little crazy in our own way? But just so there is no confusion, the voices I am referring to are the thoughts inside your head that you just can’t seem to understand.